anyways.
2 days ago.
a day ill never forget.
stuck in school.
bahar called her country.
haha.
fun day.




what if,
one day.
i really give up.
give up on hopes that i have.
give up on the thoughts of being with her.
give up on everything.
mostly,
give up on waiting for her.

i know you guys, those who know, will not be convinced.
cause ive said it too many times.
but what can i do.
i dont know what im doing.
i dont know what i should do.
hey.
6 months.
think about it.
not tiring meh.
yala.
now she knows.
but theres no yes theres no no.
if you get what i mean.
i mean im just going with the flow.
what i can say.
is that.
its tiring.




all the things ive kept to myself
now all turn to waste
cause now she knows the truth
seriously now ive got no face

i dont know what to say
or exactly what to do
maybe i shall just go with the flow
or listen to what you wanna do

am i making sense at all
actually i dont know
a ya blardy hell i shall stop here
and just go.




i have many reasons to why i never told you
many many reason.
you are still you.
someone who is still frickle minded.
maybe.
i dont know.
im just very scared.
you get it?
you all ask if i want to be with her.
HEY WHAT A STUPID QUESTION.
OBVIOUSLY.
you ask me how long ive been liking her.
GAWD KNOWS WHEN.
those who know.
you all know i tried to get over.
you all said shes not worth me.
to come to think of it.
i didnt reall cared bout what youll said.
im sorry you guys.
but ya.
call me stupid.
i mean i rather her not know.
maybe not now.
maybe never.
cause shes happy now.
and i want it that way/
if shes happy,
i am.
seriously.

what i know is
no one gave me this feeling before
i just want you to live your way
and nothing more

who cares if im hurt
who cares if you dont know
if your happy with what you have now
the more i wont let you know

as long as he can make you happy
and love you as much as i do
i wont be the third party
ill be happy for both of you

cause.
i love you.
thats all i want you to know.




im dying to let this out
but they say its better not to
cause history will just repeat
just like how it used to

cause your still as frickle minded as ever
that im just afraid to let you know
anyway i bet you love someone new by now
but i dont know why i cant let go

i really want you know
but yet dont want at the same time
cause i know your doing alright without me
and youll do just fine

but how
im still dying to let it out
especially when your on the line
whatever it is ill still love you
even if your not mine.




i miss my godsister.
its been like a year or so since i talked to her.
i miss her alot.
not only now.
for a very long time alr.
but she seem to be so busy.
im just worried that she has no time for herself.
i miss kak farah.
the times i used to be the youngest out of the three of us.
the times i get what i want.
the times i whine.
those are the times i really felt loved.
i really miss it.
i miss auntie.
now shes pregnant.
MAN!.
how time flies man..
thanks for sending me the message kak farah.
i mean even though its forwaded msg.
it made me very happy.
to know tht you didnt forget me.


those days in the past
i used to have so much of fun
all the things tht i learnt from you
tht i didnt realise when our sisterhood begun

just how i wish it could be like before
everyday talking on the phone with you
you complaining to me bout your problems
our problems, together, we went through

i wonder how your doing now
whether you have a boyfriend already(haha)
but thanks alot for the message
even though its not much but at least you thought of me




i dont know what im doing.
but i know i miss you darn lots.
but you just dont know.
i cant tell you.
your not the same.
darn it.
i really dont know what to do.




sometimes i feel so cramped up
cause of what ive been keeping inside
i just feel like letting it all out
and just hold you tight

but i know i cant do that
cause now you've changed
now your not the past
now your no more the same

just how i wish
everything's like before
just like the past
before you walked out that door

i tried to let go
i tried to forget
sometimes i just wish
we shouldnt have met

but i knwo you give me a feeling
like no one else does
you melt me with your eyes
you make my heart beats fast

but just HOW do i say all this to you
cause i knw your no more the same
im sorry if i feel this way
im sorry if all this's lame






anyways.
HELLO everyone.
to bh.
bout the stuff we talk bout yesterday.
you asked who would miss you.
i mean.
you may never know that someone whose close to you in the outside
would miss you and notice you more than people who hang around with you.
i mean this is normal.
it goes to my situation too.
i hope you think bout it THOROUGHLY.
at least wait for me to graduate first la..
haha.
okaye take care.

to everyone.
I AM BORED!
BOREDOM is a DISEASE.
and it was passed to me by this stupid bh!
waliaoz.
i miss brother!
i miss my friends!













i was trying my BEST to fit in the conversation.BUT failed. as usual.ha









mummy always does this. MAN! phew. smwelly.haha









here also. i was trying my best to follow what they were doing.pass ryte?HAHA











cant believe im gonna say this.but my brother's kinda adorable.
SHH!dont say.
he's the LAST person anybody should compliment.
haha.






me and my cousins.the only girls in the family.






me and bilah.











me and my own crazy brother.
















this is the another template i did.
so proud of myself.
hee.
peace : )




i just did a new template. wooho!
darn happy.
cause i did it MYSELF.
proud of myself.
haha.
okaye.
today gonna have movie marathon.
dont think jas coming.
so i wtching at night with jean they all.
so romantic.
haha.
BUT we are just friends.
which makes me feel kinda weird everytime
i spend my time alone with her.
haha.
SHH.
okaye.
IM HIGHHH.
bye bye




my eyes gonna like close very soon.
lots things happened today.
but yea.
who cares.
just did a blog for al.
darn tired.
haha.
but must persevere for another hour or so.
then wake adik and daddy up.
prepare drinks.
then i chao go sleep.
haha.
okaye.
thats all.

anyway.
i miss you.
for her.
i hope you find your way through.
cause this is not it.




HELLO!
IM SO HIGH!
WOOHOO!
haha.
MEETING BROTHER TOMORO!
YAY.
movie marathon HERE I COME.
maybe not with brother.
but with jean they all la.
haha.
now talking to jas.
and fighting with al.
(joking way ah)
ya.
HAHA.
AL IS LAME POKE!
haha.
anyways.
bye,




hey my friend
please come back
just like how we used to be
im waiting
for us to be like before
crazy as we can be
we used to be so close
i refuse to accept that people change
cause i have faith
you'll be back
just like before
i rmb telling myself that our friendship will last the longest
but it doesnt seem tht way
i mean if its this way
and this is the way it should be
then i just want to say im happy for you
but i pray
you'll come back
maybe to you
i didnt make you happy
but i know i was
you made me feel tht there was such thing called bestfriend
the last time i had,
she failed me
when i got close to you,
i kept telling myself not to believe the word 'bestfriend'
but i slowly did
but now we slowly fade
forget it
ive nothing to say
if you want to leave
leave




now is like two plus.
me and jas ACCIDENTALLY watch this super nice show!
but somehow like not our age kinda show.
maybe not mine.
but not for her.
ya.
but the story is nice.
seriously.

anyway.


how stupid was i
to think that i like them
i still miss you here
just like back then

maybe i was just confused
that i mixed up how i was feeling
to actually forget
that your the one im missing

so what that you dont know
and so what that your not aware
i mean life is like this
not all things will be fair

so i rather do what ive always did
which is to look at you from far
even how so much i miss you
even so how deep is this scar

i realise your the only one
the deepest the longest
doesnt matter whether your aware
but youll always be the first

;i miss you girl.




hello to my friend out there.
someone close to me.
someone special.
you know wht.
i kinda like got confused with my feelings.
im SO sorry.
i just realise now.
the person i like.
is not you.
i didnt complete my sentence when i confessed.
i like you
for a month.
ON and OFF.
as in.
maybe its just that you are always there for me.
thats why.
MAN!
i think lots of things happened between us.
i didnt expect it to happen this way man.
but i seriously got confused with my own feelings.
so i hope you understand.
now.
the truth is.
all the people that i said i like.
was all an infatuation.
or maybe just a replacement.
to tell myself to stop liking someone.
the person who i really like is HER and only her.
no one else.
im sorry man.
i was making sense.
i hope we can be like last time again.
close..
AS BEST OF FRIENDS.
just want to let you know that
you are a very special friend to me.
conclusion:
I LOVE HER. STILL.
i miss her





ANYWAY.
went out with jasmine and stupid BEEHOON.
met up at jas's house.
YOUKNOWWHAT.
jas is so "smart"!
she close the door and didnt know that it was lock.
then she saw beehoon outside.
wondering how come never go inside her room..
then beehoon was like,"ITS LOCK!"
HAHAH!
DAMN FUNNY RITEZ!
haha.
err.
then went to PS.
hear beehoon story.
walk and walk and walk.
she tak and talk and talk.
HHAHA.
as you know beehoon talk alot.
haha.
then she went with her friends for awhile.
went lunch.
while me and jas went shopping.
then sat at some staircase like some ah beng pok.
haha.
then tell ghost stories.
then met beehoon again.
with karen.
then took neoprint.
that was the WORST neos i ever took man!
shish`
haha.
thanks to LAUJIAYI!
DARN IT MAN YOU.
TICKLE ME!
haha.
anyway.
laujiayi.
lets stick to only them.
and no one else.
dont EVER confuse ourselves again!
haha.
you love ___!
i love ___!
ONLY!
WE ARE LOYAL!
HAHA!




fark man!
im being a bitch!
maybe i said it in a wrong way la.
you have your own probs.
okaye.
fine.
sorry for all these shit/




please get this right okaye.
you.
please.
im not like other blardy custards who will steal someone from someone else.
im not like that.
you belong to her now.
you like her.
i respect that.
i knwo its not easy for you to hear what i said.
but PLEASE.
understand.
your not at loss.
i am.
you have her.
she have you.
im okaye with it.
rmb this always.
before liked you.
you were the BEST friend i ever got.
but if your gonna stay acting weird with me.
i dont think i can stand it.
and i dont think i will be able to take it.
so suggest this.
you dont know me.
i dont know you.
but if your gonna be the friend i use to have.
the one i treasure more.
then im always here.
okaye.
this is all ive got to say.
and once again.
sorry.




dammit.
ive just said something to someone.
something which ive kept to myself for quite a,long time.
dammit.
i mean.
you belong to someone else alr.
im sorry.
i mean i really dont want to interfere.
as long as your happy.
i rather lose a crush.
but not the BEST friend i ever had.
im sorry.
im sorry.




verse 1

we used to be close friends
and nothing more
i didnt know that
my feelings would grow

now im thinking
how to let you know
that i realy like you
and ill never let goooo...

chorus

i wanna be the one
to hold you tight
be there when you call
be it through the night

do i stand a chance
to be with you
now ive said all this
i wonder what you'll do..

verse2

i know you wont agree
cause you love her so
but i cant force you too
but i just want you to know

bridge

maybe this time
i could be the one
ill try to make you happy
and have lots of fun

this is just one promise
from me to you
just anything
ill do it for you..


chorus
i wanna be the one
to hold you tight
to catch you when you fall
and even be your guide

do i stand a chance to be with you
now ive said all this
wonder what you'd do

yea i wanna be the one
to hold you tight
to catch you when you fall
and even be your guide

now do i stand a chance
to be with you
all thats in this song
is my promise to
you..



cheesy huh.
haha.
but yea.
refers to someone.
but i know you like her.
even if you know this refers to you.
i mean im not forcing you to say or do anything.
i just thought i should tell you this.
since im not good in showing or expressing.
i wrote a song for you.
im sorry.
i didnt expect things to be this way.




today went shopping.
with mummy.
then met daddy.
then went shopping again.
man!
so darn tired la.
but i bought stuffs for hari raya.
so yea.
this year hari raya like nothing to me like that/
maybe cause granny's not around anymore.
i miss her lots.
darn.
anyway.
tomorrow watching movie with dont know who.
but with brother!
haha.
then thursday going sentosa with class people.
woohoo!
lots coming up!




只剩下鋼琴陪我談了一天
Zhi sheng xia gang qin pei wo tan le yi tian
Only the piano accompanies me throughout the day


睡著的大提琴
Shui jiao de da ti qin
The sleeping cello


安靜的舊舊的
An Jing de jiu jiu de
Quiet and so old


我想你已表現的非常明白
Wo xiang ni yi biao xian de fei chang ming bai
I think you’ve made yourself clear


我懂我也知道
Wo dong wo ye zhi dao
I know and I’m sure


你沒有捨不得
Ni mei you she bu de
You don’t regret


你說你也會難過我不相信
Ni shuo ni ye hui nan guo wo bu xiang xin
You say you’re upset too, that I don’t believe


牽著你陪著 我也只是曾經
Qian zhe ni pei zhe wo ye zhi shi cheng jin
You being with me was in the past


希望他是真的比我還要愛你
Xi wang ta shi zhen de bi wo hai yao ai ni
I hope he loves you more than I do


我才會逼自己離開
wo cai hui bi zi ji li kai
Only then will I bring myself to leave


Chorus

你要我說多難堪
Ni yao wo shuo duo nan kan
You want me to say it, but it is awkward


我根本不想分開
Wo gen ben bu xiang fen kai
I don’t even want to break up


為什麼還要我用微笑來帶過
Wei she me hai yao wo yong wei xiao lai dai guo
Why must I depend on a smile to tide me through?


我沒有這種天份
Wo mei you zhe zhong tian fen
I don’t have the ability


包容你也接受他
bao rong ni ye jie shou ta
To accept both you and him


不用擔心的太多
Bu yong dan xin de tai duo
Don’t worry too much


我會一直好好過
Wo hui yi zhi hao hao guo
I’ll still be fine


你已經遠遠離開
Ni yi jin yuan yuan li kai
You’ve already gone far away


我也會慢慢走開
Wo ye hui man man zou kai
And I will slowly walk away


為什麼我連分開都遷就著你
Wei she me wo lian fen kai dou qian jiu zhe ni
Why is it that I have to accommodate you even when [we] break up?


我真的沒有天份
Wo zhen de mei you tian fenI really don’t have the ability


安靜的沒這麼快
An jing de mei zhe me kuai
Staying silent doesn’t come so fast


我會學著放棄你
Wo hui xue zhe fang qi ni
I will learn to give you up


是因為我太愛你
Shi ying wei wo tai ai ni
Because I love you so much

Repeat




Aku yang lemah tanpamu
Aku yang rentan karena
Cinta yang tlah hilang darimu
Yang mampu menyanjungku

Selama mata terbuka
Sampai jantung tak berdetak
Selama itu pun aku
Mampu untuk mengenangmu

Darimu… (darimu)
Ku temukan hidupku…
Bagiku… (bagiku)
Kaulah cinta sejati…
yea… hu…Hu… (dirimu… bagiku… engkaulah cinta sejati)

Reff:
Bila yang tertulis untukku
Adalah yang terbaik untukmu
Kan kujadikan kau kenangan
Yang terindah dalam hidupku

Namun takkan mudah bagiku
Meninggalkan jejak hidupku
Yang tlah terukir abadi
Sebagai kenangan yang terindah




memories
are times which you will never forget
memories
nothing can be more precious that that
memories
are times which can never repeat
it wont be the same
even if it did
memories
sometimes can bring you down
memories
at times can make you frown
but memories
is just something really special
something so meaningful
just like how you treasure a pearl
maybe memories
can sometimes be painful
sometimes makes you regret
make you feel like a fool
so treasure the person that love now
and tell them before its to late
can be any of you friends or you family
can even be your own family's maid.

HAHA.
this poem's lame.
all maid all come out.
HAHA.
dots.
BYE.




MY Ns OVER EVERYBODY!
TIME TO ENJOY!!!
WOOHOO!
but seriously.
until i dont know what to do.
HAHA.
yesterday went home.
then rushed to meet cassie and sidd.
i thought they were there alr.
skali reached heeren.
i was the only one there.
waited for AN HOUR.
for them to walk from far east to heeren.
then decided to eat at cenei there.
DAMN FUNNY.
cassie hit her nose on the automatic door thingy.
we laugh like shit.
i mean you know they laugh very lud rite.
so can you imagine that day 3 of us laugh like shit in cenei.
HAHA.
then went to city hall.
i wanted to go home to accompany mummy.
so i went off.
reached at 10 plus.
then reach home.
gossip with mummy for awhile.
then daddy and adik came back.
mummy say wanna go out.
blardy sia.
so went out.
went GEYLANG.
find pretty pretty clothes.
HAHA.
then went to eat supper .
reached home at 3 plus.
tired sei.
anyway.
now exam's over.
all is in my mind now is YOU.
blardy sia.
haha.

you doing that thing you do
breaking my heart into a million pieces
like you always do

HAHA.
im HIIIIGGGHHH!
can you tell?
muahaha.


seeing you from far
without you noticing
cause im just a fren's fren to you
other than that im nothing

i cant wait for us to be friends
cause i really want you to know
that my feeling's now getting stronger
but right now i cant show

oi stupid!cant you notice me
ive been observing you
but you cant blardy see

i dont expect you to know
cause we're not even friends
but hey!anything can happen
but also it all just depends.


im thinking of you.
you know?
of course you dont.
BAHH!!
mummy!
she dont know!
HAHA!
IM HIGH!

okaye
bye bye.






today was my most distracting day ever.
yesterday.
was studying for my Ns.
and i got a call from some people.
i was irritated and pissed off.
i mean come on la.
a ya never mind.
then today.
chem and bio.
even BEFORE my chem start.
i got shit.
her friends came to me and told me what exactly happened.
thank you for doing that guys.
or else ill be clueless.
firstly.
why must that bloody idiot go and call her mother.
what fark.
excuse me la.
if your not even farking sure of what your gonna say.
your not even sure if its farking true.
then why you farking call her mother.
if not cause of you.
this wouldnt have happened okaye.
bloody arse.
and for the family.
im sorry for being a tomboy.
i didnt know its even wrong to be a tomboy.
what fark la.
and please.
i help your niece and daughter.
when she had no bloody friends.
is that farking wrong?!
i talk to her when shes having a prob.
isit farking wrong too?!
she goes home with me cause we stay farking close.
wrong also ah?!
damn it man.
i didnt shout at you again cause the baby was crying.
and i know everybody at your house was tensed up.
but you know what.
if not i would have shouted at you.
but your older.
so i respected you.
but you were farking rude.
you say i can call my parents.
HELLO.
im not scared of you.
cause i know im not in the wrong.
you said the whole school know.
KNOW WHAT?!!!
how can they know something which has never HAPPENED!
fark man!
i scared for what fark reason.
the teachers were the one who told you rite.
i will be confronting them tomorrow.
if she really got the facts wrong.
i would tell her to tell you guys.
even so your angry.
you should get your farking facts right first before screaming at anyone okaye.
and im farking having my Ns for gwd sake man farking people!
you angry for what?!
cause im tomboy?
cause im sec 4?
cause im bad company?
WHAT?!?
tel me!!
damn it!
you can ask ANYONE.
let me say again.
ANYONE okaye.
who knows me and her.
ask them.
i can bet with you all of them will say nothing's going on.
you want ot know why?
CAUSE NOTHINGS GOING ON!!
you think im the only friend she has ah?
you think her other friends angel ah?
im not trying to be ego here.
but HELLO.
i took care of her as my sister.
okaye.
damn it man!
fark you all la okaye!damn it!

i have my pride please!
im faring pissed with that ass who called her mother.
if it wasnt for you.
this wouldnt have happened.
i mean if whatever you said was true, NEVER MIND.
but its all FALSE ACCUSATION!
and your bloody making both of us into trouble la!
im going to settle things with you tomorrow.
if i prove you wrong,
im gonna make sure you make things right man!
kanasai.
damn it!


and for you my friend.
im not angry at you.
we're not friends anymore.
its okaye.
but make sure your doing okaye.
yea.
take care.
god bless.




sorry cai.
i was ready already.
then daddy called.
he's on his way home already.
sorry ah.
today childrens' day.
so my brother at home.
then daddy worried so hes coming home.
sorry okaye.
ill go tomorrow.
sorry.
SORRY CAI!

anyway.
today was English.
im not saying that it was easy or what la.
dont want to be like overconfident.
but i know that its do-able ah.
ya.
so stress okaye.
i never stress until like this before.
i was too stress that ame ask what exam i having today.
then i blank out okaye.
i couldnt even remember what exam la.
haha.
scary experience.
anyway.
ya.
then stayed with cas and sidd.
waiting for cai.
skali daddy called cas.
ask me go home.
so i rushed home.
then so shocked to see my brother at home.
i forgot today childrens' day.
then when i got ready daddy cal say coming home already/
shish.
sorry again cai.
ya.
seriously.
im scared of Ns.
but in my mind two quarter thinking bout the freedom ill have after N.
esp ART!
SERIOUSLY FREEDOM MAN!
take up like most of my time la pls.
hopefully all my effort wont go down to drain.
all the scoldings and critiscm i had to face.
man!
ya.
so.
EXAMS..
im gonna make it through!
FUN FUN FREEDOM...
here i come!
after exam...
haha.


anyway.
saw you today.
muahaha.
whee!
okaye im crazy.
actually i dont even know whether i like you la
dont even know if im serious.
but.
ya.

to this fren of mine.
you seriously changed.
seeing you like this,
make me believe that people DO change.
my gwd.
you know its like you can walk pass me and ill be like
who the hack is that .
i wont even recognise you la.
my gwd.
from up to down.
all change.
im in no position to say this.
i know.
but my gwd.
you changed to the..
im sorry.
but to the worst.
but i mean who am i to say all this.
you happy can alr.
as if i care anyway.
cant believe i couldnt get over you.
man! i was stupid.
anyway
seeing you like this.
i just want to say that
im glad its over.

bold italics underline



please.



tagboard. cbox recommended.

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